Mind-minded parenting: Does attuned "mental talk" help kids thrive?

© 2022 Gwen Dewar, Ph.D., all rights reserved

Heed-minded parenting is an approach that recognizes the independent thoughts and feelings of children.

Parents assume their children'southward behavior is meaningful, and tune into their children's emotions, desires, and interests.

They accurately read their children's communicative cues, and talk with kids about the world of the heed.

The approach is linked with important developmental advantages, like the forging of secure attachment relationships, stronger social skills, and mayhap fifty-fifty better self-control.

Is it always also early to start? Is it ever too early to treat a child as a conversation partner, and look for meaning in what he says or does?

Psychologists Elizabeth Meins and Charles Fernyhough say no. In fact, there's reason to recollect that this approach is especially important during a baby'southward first year (Meins et al 2012; Cheng et al 2018).

Babies thrive when their parents assume they have minds of their own, and have the time to effigy out what their babies are thinking and feeling. In particular, children seem to benefit when they have "heed-minded" parents who communicate accurately almost mental and emotional states.

Such parents make what Meins and Fernyhough call "advisable, mind-minded comments," and appropriate is the key.

I meet you're bored with that toy, a mother might say.

Does this count as appropriate, listen-minded talk? That depends on whether or not the infant actually is bored.

If he'southward showing signs of interest — gazing at the toy, reaching for it — the comment is not appropriate. To practice mind-minded parenting, caregivers need to do more talk nearly thoughts and feelings. They need to make comments that are attuned to what's really going on.

It'south a crucial distinction, because appropriate, mind-minded talk in early on childhood predicts a number of developmental outcomes. Here are the details.

Evidence that mind-minded parenting helps children develop secure attachments

Information technology might seem airheaded to treat a baby's babbles as meaningful conversation.

But back in 1998, Elizabeth Meins noticed something: Mothers who did this — mothers who tended to attribute meaning to their children'south early vocalizations — were more likely to accept toddlers who were opens in a new windowdeeply fastened (Meins 1998).

In subsequent inquiry, Meins and her colleagues watched 6-month-one-time babies play with their mothers, and tallied examples of spontaneous, mind-related talk (Meins et al 2001). The researchers were particularly interested inappropriate comments, i.e., maternal talk that revealed an accurate understanding of what a infant was really feeling.

Half-dozen months later, the researchers tested the babies' attachment relationships, and they establish a clear relationship between parenting and zipper. Mothers who made more frequent, appropriate comments at 6 months were more probable accept deeply-attached babies at 12 months.

Other studies have confirmed that early mind-minded practices predict zipper security (Laranjo et al 2008; Meins et al 2012). Appropriate heed-minded comments have been linked with secure attachments to fathers as well as mothers (Lundy 2003). They accept also been linked with secure attachments to daycare providers.

When researchers in the Netherlands observed three-year-olds at childcare centers, they found that children were more probable to be securely fastened to a caregiver if he or she fabricated frequent, mind-minded comments (Colonnesi et al 2017).

In add-on to secure attachments, children with mind-minded parents are also more likely to prove advanced reasoning most the mental states of other people — what psychologists call "theory of listen" skills. How do researchers measure this?

One important test is the faux conventionalities task, which asks a child to distinguish betweenwhat's really truthful,and what some other (mistaken) person believes to be true. For instance, consider this false belief job administered by Meins and Fernyhough (1999). They asked 5-year-olds to watch a puppet prove and so answer some questions.

The evidence began with Charlie the Crocodile lonely on the phase. He emptied a milk carton and refilled it with soda pop.

Adjacent, Penny the Penguin arrived. She hadn't been at that place to witness Charlie's actions.

The researchers told children that Penny likes milk, not soda pop. Then they asked kids to predict how Penny would feel when she first saw the milk carton.

Would Penny exist happy or sad? How would Penny feel later on she looked inside the carton and found that there was soda pop, not milk, inside?

Some preschoolers correctly predict Penny'south feelings (i.east., that she'd be happy at outset, and and then disappointed) and these children  were  more likely to accept heard advisable, listen-minded comments when they were younger.

The results have been replicated by other studies.

For instance, in one study, researchers observed mothers playing with their 12-calendar month former infants, and noted how ofttimes parents made appropriate, mind-minded comments. Then they assessed theory of mind skills when the children were 4 years old. Advisable  mind-minded talk at 12 months predicted a kid's mastery of the false belief chore at historic period 4 (Laranjo et al 2014).

In a similarly-designed study, researchers plant that advisable mind-minded talk in infancy predicted, at 51 months, both a child'due south emotion agreement and his or her performance on a false belief task (Centifanti et al 2015).

And other enquiry has shown that a mother's early use of advisable, listen-minded comments predicts her child'due south mental perspective-taking abilities during the preschool and early chief school years (Meins et al 2003; Taumoepeau and Ruffman 2008; Meins et al 2013; Kirk et al 2015).

Is information technology actually the talk that matters? Or the attitude? Rory Devine and Clair Hughes tackled this question in a recent study of theory of mind development.

The researchers tracked 117 preschoolers and their parents for 13 months. They measured both "parental mental talk" and "parents' propensity to view children every bit mental agents" (Devine and Hughes 2017). They also tested children's understanding of false beliefs.

Which parenting variable had more touch on on child outcomes? As it turned out, but the talking — conversing about thoughts and emotions — predicted better theory of listen skills.

What well-nigh causation?

These studies report correlations only. They don't permit us to conclude that mind-minded parentingcauses kids to form more secure attachments or develop amend theory of mind skills.

Maybe these outcomes reflect sure genes that parents share with their biological children, genes that facilitate the development of all three phenomena — mind-mindedness, attachment security, and early on babyhood listen-reading.

If so, mind-mindedness isn't and so much the crusade of attachment security and early on proficiency in the false belief task. Information technology's a shared consequence.

Just there is prove confronting this.

In the study about daycare mentioned above, preschoolers were not genetically related to their caregivers. Withal the correlation — between mind-minded comments and secure attachment — held (Colonnesi et al 2017).

And a twin study — using the tools of behavioral genetics — found that genetic factors had a negligible impact on the development of theory of mind skills (Hughes et al 2005).

In add-on, a number of points argue in favor of children honing mental perspective-taking through exposure to mental talk.

For example, when researchers accept tracked the evolution of children with siblings, they've establish a telling pattern: Having an older sibling facilitates the development of theory of mind. Having a younger sibling doesn't. This is what we'd expect if kids learn from the mentalistic language of older, more socially-savvy people when they play (Ruffman et al 1998).

The cantankerous-cultural prove is too suggestive.

In cultures where talking about mental states is discouraged, children show major lags in the development of theory of mind (Mayer and Träuble 2013; Mayer and Träuble 2014). They get there somewhen, but information technology may take years.

And researchers have conducted at least one randomized, controlled experiment on subject. Afterwards obtaining baseline measures of imitation belief job functioning in some 3-year-olds, Heidemarie Lohman and Michael Tomasello divided the children in two groups.

Kids in both groups talked with an adult who showed them some peculiar, deceptive-looking objects, like a pen that took the shape of a flower. Merely the conversation differed slightly.

In one grouping, the adult talked to the children about the deceptive nature of the objects, using terms like "recall" and "know." For example, the developed might ask "What practice youthink this is?…Youthought information technology was a flower…."

In the other group, the adult talked about the objects, but didn't employ mental state terms ("What's this?…It's a blossom…You lot can write with information technology…")

Afterwards these sessions, the researchers re-tested the childrens' grasp of false behavior. Kids trained with mental land language performed better on the imitation belief task. They too showed a better agreement of the distinction between appearance and reality (Lohman and Tomasello 2003).

Other perks: Tin can mind-minded parenting assist kids develop self-control?

At first, it might seem like a leap. But research shows that children who are deeply attached tend to develop meliorate self-regulation skills. They are amend at controlling their impulses, internalizing rules, and delaying gratification (due east.g., Heikamp et al 2013; Bernier et al 2015).

It's also easy to run into how theory of mind skills could contribute to self-control. Being able to empathise other minds allows children to perceive intentions and predict behavior. This makes information technology easier for them to sympathize how their efforts at self-control may be rewarded.

And learning the language of mental states is useful for self-control. Young children learn to stay on track by talking to themselves — out loud or internally.

And so heed-minded parenting may heave self-command indirectly, by fostering secure attachments and theory of mind. Information technology could also help by exposing children to linguistic communication they can utilise to manage they impulses and moods.

Is there research in back up of these ideas? The question of mind-mindedness and self-control hasn't been every bit intensively studied. But the research that does be is indeed supportive.

For example, in a study tracking Canadian babies, researchers found that mind-minded parenting during infancy predicted better self-regulation in 18 month old toddlers (Bernier et al 2012).

And a more recent study of Chinese children establish that mind-minded parenting at ix months predicted better self-control when children were two-3 years yr old.

In item, these kids were better at controlling their impulses, and more likely to choose to delay gratification if doing and then meant they would get a bigger reward in the future (Cheng et al 2017).

Interestingly, other factors — like parents' education and income levels — were not predictive. Neither was maternal sensitivity, the trend to answer promptly to a infant's physical and emotional needs.

The researchers conclude that heed-minded parenting — including appropriately attuned mental talk — adds something more than "simply perceiving" a child'due south needs "and providing material support." And this may assist toddlers develop self-control.

Mind-minded parenting: The takeaway

Some of the behavioral differences we see in families are a reflection of genetic differences. Our genes can make united states more than or less likely to develop sure skills.

Simply at that place is good testify that parenting and intendance-giving matters, and this is peculiarly true for secure attachments and theory of mind skills.

Listen-minded parenting — tuning in, and making insightful comments about mental states — strengthens social bonds and helps children understand the thoughts and feelings of other people. In improver, in that location is reason to call up that heed-minded parenting may help children develop improve self-control.

More than reading

For more information on related topics, come across these articles:

• opens in a new windowThe social earth of newborns: Why babies are built-in to learn
• opens in a new windowThe Strange Situation: Is your kid securely-attached?
• opens in a new windowThe benefits of sensitive, responsive parenting
• opens in a new windowEducational activity self-control: Evidence-based tips
• opens in a new windowThe Parenting Science guide to parenting styles
• opens in a new windowThe Parenting Science guide to social cognition and people skills

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Content last modified 1/2018

A former version of this article was published online in 2009.

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